Bad idea?

Question: OK, in my story, there is a character who I suppose comes closest to the role of Contagonist, but ends up more-or-less on the good guys' team. He's a sort of trickster-thief character who enjoys playing pranks (ranging randomly from childish to sociopathic in nature)on both sides. Late in the story, after one of the main characters, who is on the protagonist's team, saves his life, this thief doesn't "reform" per se, but promises to always have his savior's back when called. The character himself is very nimble, athletic, childishly carefree in attitude and is written as having a sometimes-comedic variation of kleptomania. My question is whether or not the following feature of his character is a bad idea: He speaks entirely in rhyme. Not little-kid sort of rhymes, like Dr. Seuss. I try to use more sophisticated rhymes, as this character is, after all, much more intelligent than he lets on. I think this speech pattern is very fitting this type of character and that, when used properly, it can make him significantly more sinister as well as funny, as the situation warrants. Don't you think it would be just a LITTLE bit creepy to have a kid rhyme to you as he's about to kill you, grinning ear-to-ear? What do you think? Thanks!


Answer: My initial feeling is that this will be a tricky thing to pull off. You will have to walk a thin line between creepy and stupid.

Not saying you can't do it, because I don't know your writing style. I actually think it would be easier in a comic book, because you could juxtrapose the rhyming speech with some scary drawings.

I'd suggest you try writing a scene or two with this character speaking in rhyme, show it to some people you trust, and get their reaction. See if it has the effect you intend.

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